Mission Reformation | Part 4
May 7, 2025 | Written by Second Deputy Friar Bill Broadhurst.
Day 4…or something.
With Oban and Iona in submission, we strode out into the sunlight with an eye on the Highlands proper, the land of the Clans.
Tina wrestled the coach apace whilst Mary reminded us of the colossal volcanic and glacial forces that shaped the landscape around us.
Before long, we found ourselves in the area of Glencoe. We approached the area carefully, so as not to be taken unawares. It was there, in February 1692, that the visiting Clan Campbell arose in the night to murder their hosts Clan MacDonald as part of the English war against Scotland. The horror of the event contrasted firmly with the sunbathed slopes rising sharply from the wide glen before us.
Due to rumors that there were Campbells in our midst, we approached the area on high alert. By this time, however, the Campbells must have fled in the face of our approach. All we found was a curious little gift shop and a marvelous recreation of the mud and thatch house that would have been like the home of the poor MacDonalds.
The troops dispersed along a variety of woodland paths in search of scoundrels, but none could be located. We abandoned the site and headed straight for our next stop, Loch Ness.
Upon arrival, Tina noticed some Highland Coos, which may be Gaelic for “cows that need a haircut.” We had to deal with the coos straightaway. Rev Brannan diverted a coo by feeding it an apple, but suffered a lick on the hand by the slimy tongue of the beast.
(While we were all sympathetic, Rev Brannan was left to sit alone for the rest of the journey.)
With the coos diverted, we plotted our assault on Urquhart Castle. A water assault was deemed best, so we sent Tina by the land route to again confuse the Scots and await us after our anticipated victory.
We climbed aboard an open vessel for our voyage up Loch Ness. Nessie must have heard of our prowess, for she laid low to avoid detection.
We took Urquhart Castle completely by surprise, and she folded like a wet noodle. The troops searched out defenders, but all had fled. We then climbed the daunting hill behind Urquhart and met Tina.
Thus far we had avoided casualties, but the count showed we had one missing. The minutes passed but no one showed. Like the shepherd who goes after a lost lamb, Mary and Ben leapt back into the castle below. Minutes still crept by, and the troops became agitated… some out of concern for the missing, others because happy hour was approaching. Finally, Mary and Ben appeared with the lost sheep to a great HUZZAH from us all!
Weary, we travelled on to the MacDonald Highlands Hotel for a well-deserved rest. (Although it’s not listed in travel guides, this place must have the most operational fire doors in all of Scotland).
