When
people are faced with loss, defense mechanisms help them deal
with the reality. We call this process the seven stages of grief.
Each person experiences these stages in their own way and in
their own time. The stages may appear in different order, replace
each other, or exist at the same time.
Shock
and Denial
Shock,
denial and isolation are usually the first reactions in the
process. Shock is almost a numbness. Everything seems unreal
to the person experiencing the news of terminal illness. Denial
is evident when patients only talk about the future and avoid
discussing their illness. They may also claim that the test
results were wrong, or blame the doctor and hospital for "messing
up." Isolation may follow as they refuse to return phone
calls, or begin to avoid family and friends. Sometimes friends
and family members think it is best for the person to face reality,
but pushing them too soon unfair and unproductive. Denial only
needs to be confronted if it endangers the patient's best interests
or treatment.
Bargaining
In
the Bargaining stage, the person attempts to reconcile the loss
by making deals with other people, sometimes also with Diety.
Guilt
Guilt
is marked by statements of "if only I had done/been . .
. ".
Anger
When
patients go through the anger phase it can be difficult for
the people around them because the aggression is displaced.
Typically, patients move into the anger stage when they acknowledge
that death is probable. They may experience anger, envy, resentment,
or rage. Often they ask, "Why me," or get mad that
they are dying while others are allowed to live. Some may question
their religious beliefs or accuse family and friends of having
uncaring attitudes.
Depression
Depression is a stage
that comes and goes throughout the grief process. Resignation
at the end of the depression indicates that the truth of the
loss has been accepted and the person is ready to move on.
Acceptance and
Hope
At this stage, you understand
your life will never be the same, but it will go on with meaning
and hope.
*Some
of the text on this page was taken from "Twisting in the
Wind-Loss through the eyes of an artist," a brochure published
by Eric Fitzpatrick and Carilion Health System.
