Sermons

"Levels of Love"

By Dr. George C. Anderson
Novemeber 12, 2006

John 15:1-17

1 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower.
2 He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit.
3 You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you.
4 Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me.
5 I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing.
6 Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.
7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
8 My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.
9 As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love.
10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love.
11 I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.
12 "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
13 No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends.
14 You are my friends if you do what I command you.
15 I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.
16 You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name.
17 I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.

It began as a generational rebellion of the Baby Boomers against their parents and grandparents. Today Baby Boomers celebrate "the greatest generation," and for good reason, but in the 1960s, the Boomers were rebelling against them. The survivors of a depression and a terrible war found their worth not in who they were but what they did. Duty, responsibility, service were not so much praised as expected. Praise, in fact, sometimes came in short supply. Don't brag about your accomplishments, you're only doing what is expected of you.

A rather strict Calvinistic theology was preached and believed by many in that generation too. We are sinners, without worth, deserving damnation, and can be saved only by the grace of God. Give God the glory for all that is good, including the good you do, and take the blame for whatever is wrong… for all that is wrong… That's the doctrine of original sin. To its credit, that doctrine pushes believers toward humility. Taken too far though, it can push believers toward shame and self-loathing.

It was the cause of the Baby Boomers to rebel against the extreme. I was born at the end of a generation that has made self-esteem its grand cause. Self-acceptance has been our Holy Grail. In a sense, who could blame the Baby Boomers, with their elders being so short on praise and so quick with condemnation. On the other hand, the Baby Boomers were born into privileges made possible by those same elders who were determined that their children would have more opportunities than they had. With no depression to survive, no noble war to fight, my generation wanted to take advantage of all those opportunities and feel good about it.

The publication in 1969 of a book inspired by Transactional Analysis called I'm OK, You're OK was a benchmark event. It started slow in sales before finally moving onto the New York Times bestseller list and lived there for two years. That book became too parochial though, because the authors sought to tie their insights specifically to the Christian faith. New Age authors freed the self-esteem movement of Christianity's anchors- of any tradition's anchors. The New Age movement has been inclusive and adaptable. Whatever you want to have justified about who you are, what you want and how you behave can be justified by some kind of adaptable spirituality. I don't know if anyone can list any core beliefs of the New Age movement, but I'll suggest one. You have it within you to justify yourself.

A song by Whitney Houston symbolizes this core belief. In a way, the fact that Ms. Houston sings the song symbolizes a shift from a spirituality that seeks esteem from outside oneself to a spirituality that seeks esteem from within. She grew up singing in a church choir, so she sang many spirituals about our sins, the blood of Jesus and salvation being from God. But in her mega-hit, "The Greatest Love of All," the Gospel choir singer turned pop singer declared that she is her own hero. Children need to find "all the beauty they possess inside." And this is why:

…the greatest love of all
Is happening to me.
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me.
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve.
Learning to love yourself.
It is the greatest love of all.

There is a strict Calvinist who lives in me who is tempted to point out her subsequent unhappy marriage and evidence of a dependence on drugs and thereby dismiss her song as evidence that the greatest love doesn't come from within but comes to us from God. However, since I'm a fan who thinks Ms. Houston is exceptionally beautiful with an exceptionally beautiful voice, and because I'm impressed with her significant support of charities, I'm going to give her song the benefit of the doubt and say that Ms. Houston has a point. In fact, as dismissive as I have been about the extremes of my generation's search for acceptance, there is good reason to rebel against the harsh extremes of a faith that has used shame to coerce obedience. If this sounds too esoteric to you, than you are lucky enough not to be, or know one of those, afflicted by this oppressive dread of feeling you'll never have what you most want; acceptance in the eyes of God. You don't have to be that great of a psychologist to know that this dread has roots in having the same dread of not finding acceptance in the eyes of parents.

As a Baby Boomer I believe in helping children and adults discover their own self-worth. As an ordained minister, I'll add that I believe that our worth is found by seeing ourselves in God's eyes, and that if we're not careful, our desire for worth can lead us to hurt others and ourselves.

As backup, I appeal to someone outside of any of the generations thus far mentioned in my sermon. I call on the wisdom of the ancient church father, Bernard of Clairvaux. He suggested that there are four ascending levels of how a Christian learns to love himself. The first levels are easily criticized because they seem self-centered. But they are not sinful in and of themselves, Bernard says, just immature. Because they are so immature, they easily can mutate in selfish and abusive directions. Still, they have their proper place

1. One begins, Bernard says, by loving oneself for one's own sake. Here it is easy to see how those who so emphasize original sin would condemn this kind of self love. We are worthless until we are converted, the strictest would say, so there is nothing to treasure until that conversion takes place.

In High School, a teacher who I admired shocked my poor Baby Boomer soul with this position. She had been raised in a strict, Calvinistic home, and it was her opinion that all babies, no matter how cute, are evil. They are evil because they are, by necessity, self-centered. All they can think about is themselves, everyone else exists for their own benefit. Isn't that the kind of self-centered attitude we condemn in adults? "Don't be fooled by the baby's smile. It is the parent's job to raise the child to come to that point of conversion where she recognizes her sin, is broken of that self-centeredness, and accept that she can be saved only by the grace of God."

Bernard would agree that it is dangerous to remain in this early stage. Certainly, those who live their lives in faithful service of their own needs and desires, worshipping the special deity of oneself, are the kind of people who wreck havoc in relationships in communities. Yet he said that a child is born into this kind of self love and there is nothing wrong with it. A baby or infant has no choice but to be self-centered. This is not sinful or perverted, just extremely undeveloped. It does have the virtue of recognizing your own value.
Bernard doesn't want to break a child of this kind of self-esteem, but to grow to realize that there are others who are valuable too. The beginning lesson of the golden rule is for the child to realize that someone else is special too. And when one doesn't behave toward others in the way one wants others to behave toward you, well then that is something to feel bad about. This realization that others matter too is a baby step, but it is the first step toward a greater love of God.

2. Bernard's second level of love evolves as one becomes aware that our existence isn't possible without God. The second level of love is loving God for one's own sake. If I want what is best for me, then I'll love and serve the one who can do far more for me than I can do for myself.

Though Bernard's second level of loving oneself is still very immature, it is the level of spirituality of many believers. It is why most people believe in God. It is why most people join a church. I want to be loved, so I will love God. I want to be saved, so I'll believe in God. I want to be blessed, so I'll keep God's commandments.

How can we condemn this second level when it is reflected so often in the biblical narratives.
"Keep my commandments, and you will be blessed. Violate them, and you will be cursed."
"Seek you first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you."
"Lord, who will sit at your right hand and who will sit at your left."
"You desire to be first. Well the first shall be last."

Clearly stuck in this second level are those who make the claim that without the threat of hell there would be in incentive to do good. "We might as well do whatever we want." Do you hear the assumption in that sentence. If it were left completely up to me, what I know to be good is not what I want for me.
Is that true? Is there no other reason not to cheat on a spouse except not to be caught? Is there no other reason not to steal, other than the fear of ending up in jail? Is there no other reason for serving God, other than the fear of eternal damnation?

Again, Bernard doesn't condemn this kind of thinking. He knows that a four year old may love his parents, but the threat of consequences is needed to keep him from violating rules of the house. That's how it has to be in raising the child, but you hope the child grows into someone who doesn't need the threats. You hope the child grows into being someone who loves the good for the sake of the good.

3. And this brings us to Bernard's third level of love. Assuming that all good comes from God, Bernard's third level of love is loving God for God's sake. Let me describe the shift to this greater level of love with this analogy. Imagine a guy's infatuation with a girl. He doesn't want the date to do her a favor. He wants it for his own sake. For that reason, he might say or do anything to get a date with her. With other dates, he even pretended to be someone he is not. That's not necessary with her, because she is attracted to him as he is. She is someone who can do a lot for him, and this makes him even more attracted to her. He ends up marrying her, and glad he found someone who will make a good wife for him, be a support for him in his work, be a companion in his play time.

These marriages can sometimes have unhappy endings, but not this one. He's a blessed man because over time something happens in him. He begins to care more about her than he does for himself. Meeting her needs becomes its own satisfaction. Indeed, he gets to the point where he would lay down his life for her.
Bernard's third level of love is loving God for who God is, not for what God can do for you. Threats of damnation are no longer relevant. One's life has meaning and value in loving and serving the God who first loved us.

Last Wednesday night, Bill Klein gave a presentation on Simone Weil, the Jewish Christian mystic. He quoted her as saying that if her eternal salvation were right there in front of her for her to grasp. she would not make one move to do so unless commanded to do so by God. Her faith was not in the least about her salvation. It was the expression of a desperate desire to love God for God's own sake. The ancient mystics and saints sought to enter fully into this selfless love of God through denial of themselves. Their prayers for the people, their service of others, their heartfelt devotion to daily submission gave great energy to the church.
Very often, this third level is called the highest form of love. Can you think of a higher love? Isn't this agape love, the selfless love of the one who would lay down her life for another? Jesus had to be talking about an expression of this kind of love when he said to "Love your enemy." Putting the interests of an enemy ahead of your own is near impossible, and can't happen, I don't think, except when one is willing to surrender all in obedience to the God who died for enemies.

4. And yet, Bernard would say that this is not the highest level of love. There is one higher, and that is to love yourself for God's sake.

When Jesus said that the greatest love is the willingness to lay down one's life for one's friend, it was not because one's own life is of no worth. When he gave his own life on the cross, it was not because Jesus counted his life to be of no value. Or let me speak of God's love through Jesus. When God surrendered his son to the cross, it was not a cheap or easy offering. Remember what God said at Jesus' baptism? "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased." Jesus was to God what Isaac was to Abraham; his son, his only son, Jesus whom he loves.

And so I would ask each of any of you who struggles with your own self worth: What right have you to call worthless the one Christ died for? Don't make a mockery of Christ death by deeming unworthy what Christ deemed to be a pearl of great price? You must love yourself. Your love of God demands it.

This kind of self-love is a far cry from the first level. It does not begin in the worship of the deity of oneself, for our sins are real, and that left to our own devices, we quickly make a mess of the lives God gave us. This love is not selfish, but comes from a sharing in the love of God. As F. Dale Bruner said, "Those who go on their knees before God are those who can stand tall before others." In humility, we realize that God loves us sinners enough to die for us, and thus that grants us a self-esteem that comes from a love beyond us, not within us.

Jesus quoted Leviticus in saying, "Love your neighbor as yourself." If love of neighbor begins in love of self, Bernard reminds us that the most mature love of self is found in love of God. In fact, that's what Jesus said too. Before he said, "Love your neighbor as yourself," he said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength." Yes, that is where love begins.

		"Levels of Love" By Dr. George C. Anderson Novemeber 12, 2006 Listen in Real Audio John 15:1-17 1 "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower. 2 He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit. 3 You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. 6 Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. 11 I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete. 12 "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. 16 You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. 17 I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another. It began as a generational rebellion of the Baby Boomers against their parents and grandparents. Today Baby Boomers celebrate "the greatest generation," and for good reason, but in the 1960s, the Boomers were rebelling against them. The survivors of a depression and a terrible war found their worth not in who they were but what they did. Duty, responsibility, service were not so much praised as expected. Praise, in fact, sometimes came in short supply. Don't brag about your accomplishments, you're only doing what is expected of you. A rather strict Calvinistic theology was preached and believed by many in that generation too. We are sinners, without worth, deserving damnation, and can be saved only by the grace of God. Give God the glory for all that is good, including the good you do, and take the blame for whatever is wrong… for all that is wrong… That's the doctrine of original sin. To its credit, that doctrine pushes believers toward humility. Taken too far though, it can push believers toward shame and self-loathing. It was the cause of the Baby Boomers to rebel against the extreme. I was born at the end of a generation that has made self-esteem its grand cause. Self-acceptance has been our Holy Grail. In a sense, who could blame the Baby Boomers, with their elders being so short on praise and so quick with condemnation. On the other hand, the Baby Boomers were born into privileges made possible by those same elders who were determined that their children would have more opportunities than they had. With no depression to survive, no noble war to fight, my generation wanted to take advantage of all those opportunities and feel good about it. The publication in 1969 of a book inspired by Transactional Analysis called I'm OK, You're OK was a benchmark event. It started slow in sales before finally moving onto the New York Times bestseller list and lived there for two years. That book became too parochial though, because the authors sought to tie their insights specifically to the Christian faith. New Age authors freed the self-esteem movement of Christianity's anchors- of any tradition's anchors. The New Age movement has been inclusive and adaptable. Whatever you want to have justified about who you are, what you want and how you behave can be justified by some kind of adaptable spirituality. I don't know if anyone can list any core beliefs of the New Age movement, but I'll suggest one. You have it within you to justify yourself. A song by Whitney Houston symbolizes this core belief. In a way, the fact that Ms. Houston sings the song symbolizes a shift from a spirituality that seeks esteem from outside oneself to a spirituality that seeks esteem from within. She grew up singing in a church choir, so she sang many spirituals about our sins, the blood of Jesus and salvation being from God. But in her mega-hit, "The Greatest Love of All," the Gospel choir singer turned pop singer declared that she is her own hero. Children need to find "all the beauty they possess inside." And this is why: …the greatest love of all Is happening to me. I found the greatest love of all Inside of me. The greatest love of all Is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself. It is the greatest love of all. There is a strict Calvinist who lives in me who is tempted to point out her subsequent unhappy marriage and evidence of a dependence on drugs and thereby dismiss her song as evidence that the greatest love doesn't come from within but comes to us from God. However, since I'm a fan who thinks Ms. Houston is exceptionally beautiful with an exceptionally beautiful voice, and because I'm impressed with her significant support of charities, I'm going to give her song the benefit of the doubt and say that Ms. Houston has a point. In fact, as dismissive as I have been about the extremes of my generation's search for acceptance, there is good reason to rebel against the harsh extremes of a faith that has used shame to coerce obedience. If this sounds too esoteric to you, than you are lucky enough not to be, or know one of those, afflicted by this oppressive dread of feeling you'll never have what you most want; acceptance in the eyes of God. You don't have to be that great of a psychologist to know that this dread has roots in having the same dread of not finding acceptance in the eyes of parents. As a Baby Boomer I believe in helping children and adults discover their own self-worth. As an ordained minister, I'll add that I believe that our worth is found by seeing ourselves in God's eyes, and that if we're not careful, our desire for worth can lead us to hurt others and ourselves. As backup, I appeal to someone outside of any of the generations thus far mentioned in my sermon. I call on the wisdom of the ancient church father, Bernard of Clairvaux. He suggested that there are four ascending levels of how a Christian learns to love himself. The first levels are easily criticized because they seem self-centered. But they are not sinful in and of themselves, Bernard says, just immature. Because they are so immature, they easily can mutate in selfish and abusive directions. Still, they have their proper place 1. One begins, Bernard says, by loving oneself for one's own sake. Here it is easy to see how those who so emphasize original sin would condemn this kind of self love. We are worthless until we are converted, the strictest would say, so there is nothing to treasure until that conversion takes place. In High School, a teacher who I admired shocked my poor Baby Boomer soul with this position. She had been raised in a strict, Calvinistic home, and it was her opinion that all babies, no matter how cute, are evil. They are evil because they are, by necessity, self-centered. All they can think about is themselves, everyone else exists for their own benefit. Isn't that the kind of self-centered attitude we condemn in adults? "Don't be fooled by the baby's smile. It is the parent's job to raise the child to come to that point of conversion where she recognizes her sin, is broken of that self-centeredness, and accept that she can be saved only by the grace of God." Bernard would agree that it is dangerous to remain in this early stage. Certainly, those who live their lives in faithful service of their own needs and desires, worshipping the special deity of oneself, are the kind of people who wreck havoc in relationships in communities. Yet he said that a child is born into this kind of self love and there is nothing wrong with it. A baby or infant has no choice but to be self-centered. This is not sinful or perverted, just extremely undeveloped. It does have the virtue of recognizing your own value. Bernard doesn't want to break a child of this kind of self-esteem, but to grow to realize that there are others who are valuable too. The beginning lesson of the golden rule is for the child to realize that someone else is special too. And when one doesn't behave toward others in the way one wants others to behave toward you, well then that is something to feel bad about. This realization that others matter too is a baby step, but it is the first step toward a greater love of God. 2. Bernard's second level of love evolves as one becomes aware that our existence isn't possible without God. The second level of love is loving God for one's own sake. If I want what is best for me, then I'll love and serve the one who can do far more for me than I can do for myself. Though Bernard's second level of loving oneself is still very immature, it is the level of spirituality of many believers. It is why most people believe in God. It is why most people join a church. I want to be loved, so I will love God. I want to be saved, so I'll believe in God. I want to be blessed, so I'll keep God's commandments. How can we condemn this second level when it is reflected so often in the biblical narratives. "Keep my commandments, and you will be blessed. Violate them, and you will be cursed." "Seek you first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you." "Lord, who will sit at your right hand and who will sit at your left." "You desire to be first. Well the first shall be last." Clearly stuck in this second level are those who make the claim that without the threat of hell there would be in incentive to do good. "We might as well do whatever we want." Do you hear the assumption in that sentence. If it were left completely up to me, what I know to be good is not what I want for me. Is that true? Is there no other reason not to cheat on a spouse except not to be caught? Is there no other reason not to steal, other than the fear of ending up in jail? Is there no other reason for serving God, other than the fear of eternal damnation? Again, Bernard doesn't condemn this kind of thinking. He knows that a four year old may love his parents, but the threat of consequences is needed to keep him from violating rules of the house. That's how it has to be in raising the child, but you hope the child grows into someone who doesn't need the threats. You hope the child grows into being someone who loves the good for the sake of the good. 3. And this brings us to Bernard's third level of love. Assuming that all good comes from God, Bernard's third level of love is loving God for God's sake. Let me describe the shift to this greater level of love with this analogy. Imagine a guy's infatuation with a girl. He doesn't want the date to do her a favor. He wants it for his own sake. For that reason, he might say or do anything to get a date with her. With other dates, he even pretended to be someone he is not. That's not necessary with her, because she is attracted to him as he is. She is someone who can do a lot for him, and this makes him even more attracted to her. He ends up marrying her, and glad he found someone who will make a good wife for him, be a support for him in his work, be a companion in his play time. These marriages can sometimes have unhappy endings, but not this one. He's a blessed man because over time something happens in him. He begins to care more about her than he does for himself. Meeting her needs becomes its own satisfaction. Indeed, he gets to the point where he would lay down his life for her. Bernard's third level of love is loving God for who God is, not for what God can do for you. Threats of damnation are no longer relevant. One's life has meaning and value in loving and serving the God who first loved us. Last Wednesday night, Bill Klein gave a presentation on Simone Weil, the Jewish Christian mystic. He quoted her as saying that if her eternal salvation were right there in front of her for her to grasp. she would not make one move to do so unless commanded to do so by God. Her faith was not in the least about her salvation. It was the expression of a desperate desire to love God for God's own sake. The ancient mystics and saints sought to enter fully into this selfless love of God through denial of themselves. Their prayers for the people, their service of others, their heartfelt devotion to daily submission gave great energy to the church. Very often, this third level is called the highest form of love. Can you think of a higher love? Isn't this agape love, the selfless love of the one who would lay down her life for another? Jesus had to be talking about an expression of this kind of love when he said to "Love your enemy." Putting the interests of an enemy ahead of your own is near impossible, and can't happen, I don't think, except when one is willing to surrender all in obedience to the God who died for enemies. 4. And yet, Bernard would say that this is not the highest level of love. There is one higher, and that is to love yourself for God's sake. When Jesus said that the greatest love is the willingness to lay down one's life for one's friend, it was not because one's own life is of no worth. When he gave his own life on the cross, it was not because Jesus counted his life to be of no value. Or let me speak of God's love through Jesus. When God surrendered his son to the cross, it was not a cheap or easy offering. Remember what God said at Jesus' baptism? "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased." Jesus was to God what Isaac was to Abraham; his son, his only son, Jesus whom he loves. And so I would ask each of any of you who struggles with your own self worth: What right have you to call worthless the one Christ died for? Don't make a mockery of Christ death by deeming unworthy what Christ deemed to be a pearl of great price? You must love yourself. Your love of God demands it. This kind of self-love is a far cry from the first level. It does not begin in the worship of the deity of oneself, for our sins are real, and that left to our own devices, we quickly make a mess of the lives God gave us. This love is not selfish, but comes from a sharing in the love of God. As F. Dale Bruner said, "Those who go on their knees before God are those who can stand tall before others." In humility, we realize that God loves us sinners enough to die for us, and thus that grants us a self-esteem that comes from a love beyond us, not within us. Jesus quoted Leviticus in saying, "Love your neighbor as yourself." If love of neighbor begins in love of self, Bernard reminds us that the most mature love of self is found in love of God. In fact, that's what Jesus said too. Before he said, "Love your neighbor as yourself," he said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength." Yes, that is where love begins.